Christmas and Gifts

This is an exciting time of the year.

Approaching!

We have reminders that Christmas is coming.

The weather is getting colder and Christmas songs remind us that the Christmas is in the winter. Even where it doesn't get cold at Christmas, the imagery is still there. We have a longing.

And—bless their hearts—merchants have been reminding gift-givers to shop early. We might not heed that reminder and get caught up in stressful "Arrives before Christmas" shopping.

Advent calendars create a daily anticipation, an active waiting. The little rewards, whether pictures or a variety of chocolates, creates a happy-place sense that Christmas is coming. Nine-day traditions also give us a sense of count-down.

Some of us sing "Santa Claus is coming to town." Some of us sing, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel". We have a welcoming anticipation.

We have a chance to ponder each person around us. The selection of gifts (if that is your thing) requires thinking about the recipient. (Well, I guess you can just order the first thing on the Amazon Wish List that is in the price range you had in mind.) When we consider ourselves and others, we recognize that some people feel lonely or alone at Christmas. A gift might reflect that.

Coming Alongside

In the few days before Christmas we typically come alongside each other with common goals. This tends to minimize stressors in holiday gatherings. This builds a tradition that enables Christmas bonding.

Wrapping gifts is a tradition with the potential of bringing a focus to the thought behind the gift, and often with a creative quiet time. Of course, the hectic Christmas prep can be fun.

Christmas Day

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day involve merry-making and worship. We can celebrate the coming of the Messiah. We might have a big dinner or a multi-day availability of food. We give and receive presents. The excitement of watching others open presents is pretty cool.

Giving can be pleasurable, providing the "warm glow" effect, if we are not in a position of feeling obligated. Selecting and giving a gift means "I see you. I know you." Well, it can.

Receiving a gift is a feeling of being seen and valued. It creates a sense of connection. Some gifts are are surprises. Yet, when they are not, the unwrapping can be great fun.

Watching the opening of gifts is great fun.

Is gift-giving too commercial? Only if we let the material be the focus. In hard times, gifts might be tiny things from around the house that say something about the person or the relationship. The material is trivial compared to all that is in giving.

Thank-you Note Day

The day after Christmas is often called Boxing Day. I am not a pugilist, so I will focus on another thing.

A growing tradition is considering the day after Christmas to be Thank-you Note Day.

Oh, no! Not another obligation! I know the feeling, yet... It is not an obligation. I'm not going to be checking up on you. This is a bonus add-on. Did your mom make you write thank you notes? Perhaps you learned some things in that. However, I would like to learn to say thank you without a feeling of obligation.

Your notes do not have to be about Christmas presents, though the date reminds us of those.

A thank-you note might be a completion of the gift exchange. It acknowledges the giver's effort and intention, shares the impact and offers something of yourself in return.

This is not only an example of fruitful dialogue, but is part of a path to such dialogue.

Note cards

I recommend note cards as the form.

A note card is safe. It puts boundaries on you. You don't have to say everything; you don't have to resolve relationship problems, address past hurts, set somebody right or spill too much of your guts. You can be careful without pushing buttons. That is hard to do in a long letter or a phone call. This constraint is liberating.

For many of us, limiting the cost is important. Finding the right words, anticipating reactions, and simply planning is a great cognitive load. And there are the emotional costs; each word is an exposure a vulnerability. We can take baby steps. And then there are simply energy costs.

People under a high cognitive load are less able to adjust speech to their addressee's level of knowledge. (See Christian Stamov Roßnagel's paper for a deep dive.) We know that writing and speaking use different pathways in the brain especially for the introvert. And anxiety can make things worse

When we are mentally taxed, we become more self-focused and communication suffers. Is that you? Then plan.

The card is a low barrier form. Three sentences are fine. Move beyond this if you want. If you must send an email, consider a short 4-line poem. You can get an AI to with rhythm and rhyme. This puts in a constraint.

Focus on this: Make sure you express the thanks somehow. Be specific about what you are thanking the giver for. (And learning about how to use specificity is important it heart-felt communication.)

Writing a thank-you note causes your happiness meter to ping.

Can't do it this year?

Maybe I am a hypocrite. Maybe I am lazy. Maybe I have constraints. Apply to you, too?

You don't have to mail the card. It is hard to find stamps. You can hand it to the one you are thanking. You can even read it, especially if you messed up the card.

You don't have to use a thank-you note card, a generic one will do. And you don't really have to use the card format.

You can use a text message or maybe an email. Or just an emoji? A photo of you using, wearing or holding the gift says a lot.

You can write a regular letter. Or make a phone call. For some, that is the right medium.

The Introvert Advantage

by Mari Olsen Laney

Note: I have not read this. An associate mentioned this. Here we can learn about one group that needs limited communication to start, the introvert. This book is also practical encouragement for introverts.

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Thank-you cards with envelopes, navy

Papyrus

Here is a way to quickly order thank-you note cards. But you should find your style or styles.

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